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Surrender 2019

A beautiful, Merry Christmas!

My big 2019 word of the year was Surrender. And it took me 358 days into the year to experience a full body/soul surrender at the end of yoga yesterday. Megan was fresh off her 500 hour teacher training in Costa Rica and she led us in a grounding vinyasa Christmas Eve celebration practice. Much of it was over my head (quite literally -- leg stretched out long over my head through multiple asanas). I was ready for shavasana when it finally arrived at the end of class. Ah, those cherished few minutes we've just spent the last 70 minutes working so hard for. As I lay there on my back with my feet stretched out long, Christmas music softly playing in the background, I suddenly feel a wave of emotion sweep over me as I realized I had just experienced total surrender. In fact, as class wrapped up and the instructor wished us "Namaste", I was so choked up I couldn't speak back. My refreshing cold lavender towel covered the top half of my face and tears began streaming down my cheeks.

That sense of surrender was powerfully quiet. My body heavy, still, quiet. My mind calm with a gentle ease. I believe it may have taken almost all of 2019 to work up to that moment and realization that I had learned to least for that moment...all that really matters. I had let go. I wasn't resisting anything. I wasn't struggling or fighting. I was just being. It's funny how life has a way of reminding us that the wishes and desires may be up to us, but the timing isn't always under our control. Despite all of my impatience and frustration when things aren't happening fast enough, it's the Universe that decides when to show me the result of the work I've done. A shit ton of work has gone into developing a deeper awakening that I've experienced the last few years.

That next thing we are pursuing always seems obscured and out of reach until I finally learn the lessons I need to learn. One. step. at. a. time. I had a full year of learning to surrender before it finally sunk in as I lay there on my back in shavasana yesterday, deep in my body like I was surrendering at a cellular level. I felt so overwhelmed with love, wonder, gratitude, and hope as I fully embraced my 2020 words.

Contribution and Possibility. My 2020 words played loudly in my head. Possibility has been with me for a couple months and I have really internalized it, but I was really excited about the idea of contribution when it kept appearing in my mind. I'd like to move into a space of learning through contribution and finding ways to have a positive impact on others. I look forward to jumping into my 2020 role as a contributor.


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